- David Sumner: Hey Charlie, there is something in the Bible I do believe.
- Charlie: Whats that, sir.
- David Sumner: "Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife."
- Charlie: I believe in that, too. But what happens when thy neighbor's wife covets you?
- Chris: [David takes a nail gun to Chris' hands as he climbs through a broken window] Don't leave me like this... the glass is cutting into my neck
- David Sumner: [coldly] I hope you slit your fucking throat
- David Sumner: Baby. You don't have to learn chess to please me.
- Amy Sumner: I'm not learning chess to please you, baby. I'm learning so I can kick your *ass*.
- Amy Sumner: Those straw dogs were practically licking my body outside, so...
- David Sumner: I applaud their good taste.
- Amy Sumner: It's not funny.
- David Sumner: We'll, maybe you should wear a bra.
- David Sumner: Just so you know, somebody broke into our house and killed our cat.
- Chris: What makes you think Flutie was killed? Didn't just die.
- David Sumner: Well, generally cats don't hang themselves.
- Charlie: [first lines... as Norm takes butchering saw to still live deer] Norm. What are you doing, man? Geez.
- Charlie: You don't think God had anything to do helping the Ruskies?
- David Sumner: God?
- Charlie: Yeah.
- David Sumner: U-u-h...
- [chuckles]
- Charlie: Why is that funny?
- David Sumner: That God would help a nation of atheists?
- Charlie: He works in mysterious ways.
- David Sumner: Most dangerous line ever uttered.