Smack the Pony (1999–2017)
Fiona Allen: Various Characters
Quotes
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Various Characters : I like crossing my eyes until I see a big purple monster.
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Various Characters : [Vet] So this is?
Various Characters : Harry.
Various Characters : And Harry is...?
Various Characters : Not very happy.
Various Characters : Clearly. And Harry is... a?
Various Characters : Hamster!
Various Characters : Yes, of course.
[to self]
Various Characters : Hamster, Hamster, Hamster!
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Various Characters : What is it with me? What is it with you? Quit busting my ass for five minutes here!
Various Characters : Both surfaces must be dried before the glue is applied.
Various Characters : Let's try it with just the voice, okay? Both surfaces must be dried before the glue is applied!
Various Characters : Pierce film lid in several places! Got it!
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Various Characters : [Dating Video, bored] I like Cars, I like Football, I like Science Fiction, I like Golf- Fuck it, Golf? I hate Golf! I can't do this...
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Various Characters : [handed an Atlas] Oh, yeah, right! Like someone's really drawn out all the Countries in a book!
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Various Characters : I'm lazy, disorganised, messy. I'm rude, aggressive, needy. I'm basically an emotional and financial drain on anyone stupid enough to date me. But then, on the other hand, I do Swallow! It's your choice...
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Various Characters : [Dating Agency. Wiggles her bum at the Camera] Well, that oughta do it!
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Various Characters : So, where's this going?
Date : Well, I want to see your tits.
Various Characters : What? You've been taking me to dinner, taking me to movies, just because you want to see my tits?
Date : Well, yeah. If you didn't do that, you'd never get to see any tits at all!
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Various Characters : I'm looking for a Gay Man, who fancies women. Or at least is willing to pretend!
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Various Characters : That's it, really, we can't seem to get warm!
Maintenance Guy : Let's see what we can do about that.
[Gives her a cuddle]
Maintenance Guy : Whooh! There, is that better?
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Various Characters : [Taking vitamins]
Various Characters : They don't do anything, you know!
Various Characters : Yes, they do.
Various Characters : No, they don't.
Various Characters : Sure they do! Before I took these, I couldn't do this!
[Strikes a pose, and water starts gushing out of her ears]
Various Characters : I'm not sure that's good for you...