- [Sheppard is giving McKay flying lessons, and they get into an argument]
- Maj. John Sheppard: This is why parents get someone else to teach their kids how to drive.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm both insulted and touched by that.
- Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: How could something as big as Atlantis just sink?
- Maj. John Sheppard: I'm sure the passengers on the Titanic were asking themselves the same thing.
- Carson Beckett M. D.: He fainted.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh there's gotta be a better word.
- Carson Beckett M. D.: Faint is a proper medical term.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I passed out from... manly hunger!
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, let me see - we've got slow death, quick death, painful death, cold, lonely death.
- Carson Beckett M. D.: What do I say?
- Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: [looks up from camera] I dunno... how about "Wish you were here" ?
- Carson Beckett M. D.: [looking around, turns on Ford] I wish who was here?
- Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: I dunno. Who do you wish was here?
- Carson Beckett M. D.: No-one! I wish I wasn't bloody here!
- [Sheppard and McKay whisper while spying on a Wraith in disguise]
- Maj. John Sheppard: That's her!
- Dr. Rodney McKay: That's the Wraith?
- Maj. John Sheppard: Yeah.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Wow... She's hot! I mean seriously hot!
- Maj. John Sheppard: Rodney, you're drooling over a Wraith!
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I know, I... disgust myself sometimes.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: You're referring to the ship you just shot down! One that doesn't stand a hope in hell of ever flying again.
- Torrell: The ship that you're gonna fix, yes.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: What am I, MacGyver? Fix it with what?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [the team is trying to come up with a solution to a problem while being very short on time] You're right. If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth - did you bring yours?
- Dr. Zelenka: You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm always like this.
- Dr. Zelenka: My point exactly.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm not sure I can fix this.
- Dr. Peter Grodin: You can fix anything.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Who told you that?
- Dr. Peter Grodin: You did. On several occasions.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: You see, the thing is, Col. Sheppard and I have sorta gotten into this habit of saving each others' lives and it's my turn.
- [pause]
- Dr. Rodney McKay: It can be your turn next.
- Carson Beckett M. D.: [a parasite has attached itself to Sheppard's neck, paralyzing him] I'm told you have something of a cling-on.
- Maj. John Sheppard: That's funny.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I built an atomic bomb for my grade six science fair exhibit.
- Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: They let you do that up in Canada?
- Maj. John Sheppard: [the sensors have discovered a powerful energy field] You think it's worth checking out?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Any significant energy emission generally indicates technological civilization.
- Maj. John Sheppard: So... you think it's worth checking out?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [sarcastically] I'm sorry. Yes. Energy field good.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Look, the first siege of Atlantis lasted for years. I mean, with only one functioning Zed P.M, we can't expect to hold on that long.
- Col. Steven Caldwell: Can we submerge the city again?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [sighs] It's a city, not a yo-yo.
- Carson Beckett M. D.: ...well if I've learned one thing, Mum, it's that we Earthlings are ver...
- Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: Doc! You can't say that!
- Carson Beckett M. D.: What?
- Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: Earthlings. It's compromising security!
- Carson Beckett M. D.: She knows I'm from Earth, son! It's not a bloody secret!
- Maj. Lorne: Wow - you must really be some kind of genius!
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, as a matter of fact, I, um... wait a minute. See, why would you say that now?
- Maj. Lorne: Something has to have kept Colonel Sheppard from shooting you all this time!
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, yeah, like I didn't see that one coming, huh?
- Carson Beckett M. D.: You have a date, Rodney? With a woman?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: It is simply two adults sharing some friendly... Yes, with a woman!
- Ronon Dex: [after Sheppard shows him some of the guns used on the base] I still prefer this.
- [Ronon draws his own gun and blasts a large hole through one of the targets]
- Maj. John Sheppard: [surprised] I can see why you would.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [when the Daedalus becomes infected with a computer virus] Oh, crap!
- Hermiod: What did you do?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I ran it through a translation program, the virus is Wraith.
- Hermiod: Crap, indeed.
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Carson?
- Carson Beckett M. D.: Elizabeth.
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: How are you doing?
- Carson Beckett M. D.: Oh, just peachy, thanks. You?
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: I'm sorry to put you in this position, but you're the only one besides Colonel Sheppard and General O'Neill who've actually fired a drone from that chair.
- Carson Beckett M. D.: Ironically, they're the two people I nearly killed when I did that.
- [Dr. McKay is wearing an Ancient personal force field generator]
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried.
- Maj. John Sheppard: [Smug] I shot him.
- [Dr. Weir gives him "the look"]
- Maj. John Sheppard: In the leg!
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm invulnerable!
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [Smug] In-vul-nerable!
- Maj. John Sheppard: [to Ronon Dex, who is struggling to escape his bonds] Take it easy, Chewie - you're gonna cut your damned hands off.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [facing a wraith guard] So! This is how it's gonna be, huh? Just me?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [seeing another Wraith guard come up] OK! That's just fine!
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [he draws his pistol and points it at them, grinning in bravado]
- Dr. Rodney McKay: You want some of this, huh? Huh?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [as he goes to fire his pistol, he presses the wrong part of the gun and the magazine ejects and drops to the floor]
- Carson Beckett M. D.: [sighs] We believe ATA or Ancient Technology Activation is caused by a single gene that's always on. Instructing various cells in the body to produce a series of proteins and enzymes
- [McKay is staring at syringe]
- Carson Beckett M. D.: that interact with the skin, the nervous system and the brain. In this case we're using a mouse retrovirus to deliver the missing gene to your cells.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [Looking worried] A mouse retrovirus?
- Carson Beckett M. D.: It's been deactivated.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Well, are there any side effects?
- Carson Beckett M. D.: Dry mouth, headache, the irresistible urge to run in a small wheel...
- Maj. Lorne: [about radiation exposure] Dr. Parrish said a day or two of exposure wasn't going to kill us.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, yeah, and Dr. Parrish has a PhD in what? That's right, botany!
- Dr. Rodney McKay: So exactly what kind of special training do you guys have to go through to get this sort of mission?
- Maj. Lorne: "You guys"?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Yeah, you know - 'Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines. It's a great place to start'.
- Maj. Lorne: And by this mission you mean hunting down a skilled weapons expert hopped up on Wraith drugs, in the pitch black of an alien planet?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes.
- Maj. Lorne: Actually, I skipped that course in Major school.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I was afraid of that.
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: You think once the initial shock is over, we'll have the old Rodney back?
- Carson Beckett M. D.: I'm afraid so.
- Maj. John Sheppard: [after being chased by an alien drone] That was different.
- General Jack O'Neill USAF: For me... not so much.
- Maj. John Sheppard: Without inertial dampening, we'd be hit by so many g's, our eyes would pop, our skin would pull away from our faces, our brains would squish up to the back our skulls, and our internal organs would be crushed into these chairs. What about that sandwich?
- Col. Steven Caldwell: [over radio] Dr. McKay, What's your status?
- Teyla Emmagan: Dr. McKay is... not here.
- Col. Steven Caldwell: What?
- Teyla Emmagan: He had to...
- Ronon Dex: He had to check something on the Wraith pod.
- Teyla Emmagan: Yes, the Wraith pod. He had to check the... biometrics receiver, needed to reconfirm the frequencies of the normal feedback loop.
- Col. Steven Caldwell: Why isn't he on his radio?
- Teyla Emmagan: Well, actually we have been having trouble reaching him ourselves. I think it may have something to do with... interference from the um... magnetic shielding of the pods.
- Ronon Dex: [sardonically] Yeah, shielding.
- Teyla Emmagan: Ronon was just about to check on him, see what is taking him so long.
- Col. Steven Caldwell: All right go get him, light a fire under him.
- Teyla Emmagan: Right away.
- Col. Steven Caldwell: And I want a status report as soon as his radio is working. Caldwell out.
- Ronon Dex: [to Teyla] Nice stalling.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [about radiation exposure] As it is, I may have to forgo reproducing.
- Maj. Lorne: Yeah, that's funny, I was just thinking that might be wise.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm not crazy. I just have another consciousness in my brain.
- Maj. John Sheppard: So he just looks crazy.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sure I do, but only because Dr. Fumbles McStupid over here was in way over his head!
- [McKay buttons up his collar while entering the cave with the Iratus bugs]
- Carson Beckett M. D.: You don't seriously think that's gonna help?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: When they see your neck before they see mine, you won't think it's stupid.
- [several minutes later, Beckett lifts up his collar before trying to harvest the eggs]
- Dr. Rodney McKay: See! Not so stupid!
- Carson Beckett M. D.: Ah, shut up.
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: You were right.
- Carson Beckett M. D.: Lovely... About what?
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Your theory of the Wraith evolving after the Ancients arrived in the Pegasus Galaxy.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: You've got to be kidding me.
- Dr. Zelenka: Pay up!
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: We're heading towards a food shortage.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [Mouth full] I know, it's getting desperate. I'm almost out of coffee.
- Maj. John Sheppard: Well, maybe you should stop drinking eleven cups a day.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm just making sure I'm getting my fair share before it's all gone.
- Lt. Aiden Ford, USMC: Sounds fair.
- Teyla Emmagan: Do you kill all your violent criminals on Earth?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Certain countries, yes.
- Maj. John Sheppard: Do we need to get into this right now?
- Maj. John Sheppard: How's it coming, Rodney?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Slower than I expected, but faster than humanly possible.
- [Teyla, Sheppard, Dex, McKay and the prisoner Eldon approach their grounded puddle jumper and some prisoners waiting to ambush them in the episode "Condemned"]
- Maj. John Sheppard: At least we've got the element of surprise.
- Ronon Dex: I was beginning to think you were afraid to fight.
- Maj. John Sheppard: I'm just naturally lazy, but I will if I have to - and it's starting to look like we have to.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [whispering] I don't think they've detected us.
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: [whispering too] Why are you whispering?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [still whispering] I dunno. It just seems like the right thing to do.
- Maj. Lorne: I was hoping Lt. Ford would recognize a friendly face and turn himself in.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: You mean me?
- Maj. Lorne: Well, you were friends, weren't you?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh yeah, when we weren't out on harrowing missions, we used to hang out together. I'd share my dreams of self-sustaining fusion, he would talk about how you could sever a man's torso with a P-90.
- Maj. John Sheppard: Just out of political curiosity, how much trouble is it gonna cause you if I knock this Woolsey guy in the head?
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: May I ask why you'd like to do that?
- Maj. John Sheppard: It's just an impulse, really, one I suspect I'm gonna have again next time I see him. He may not even have to say anything.
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: I've never seen you like this. What did Woolsey say to you?
- Maj. John Sheppard: Besides judging every damned decision you've ever made?
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: [amused] John Sheppard, are you defending my honor?
- Maj. John Sheppard: [pauses] And judging me for agreeing with you.
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Well, don't be too hard on him. I think of all the circling wolves, he's the least likely to actually bite. In fact, he might even convince the others to leave us alone.
- Maj. John Sheppard: [sits down, more calmly] All right, so, no head knocking.
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: [smiling slightly] It's the thought that counts.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm sorry. It's just... I react to certain doom in a certain way. It's a bad habit.
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: The city can handle that?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes. Theoretically.
- Maj. John Sheppard: Like "dinosaurs turned into birds" theoretically or "theory of relativity" theoretically?
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [looks confused] What? Um, somewhere between.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm picking up a strange reading from right over there.
- Maj. John Sheppard: Define strange.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: [pause] You don't know what strange means?
- Eldon: The technology on this ship is far more advanced than the Olesians'.
- Dr. Rodney McKay: How ironic, then, to have been shot down by the cast of "Braveheart."
- Carson Beckett M. D.: We still have no idea how it works, but during the Wraith feeding process, the victim is injected with a special enzyme. It strengthens the human body temporarily and ensures that the heart continues to beat.
- Maj. John Sheppard: Why would they wanna make you stronger?
- Carson Beckett M. D.: So the victim doesn't die immediately. The feeding process is so traumatic, without the special enzyme, we shut down far sooner than they like.
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: They make you stronger so they can take more time to kill you.
- Carson Beckett M. D.: Lovely, isn't it?
- [Sheppard and McKay have gotten lost finding their way back to the Genii's village]
- Dr. Rodney McKay: They were very clear which route to take.
- Maj. John Sheppard: I prefer a straight line...
- Dr. Rodney McKay: Yes, of course, cause everything's a short cut in Sheppard's world.
- [after being beamed aboard form the maximum limit of the beaming technology]
- Elizabeth Weir, Ph. D.: Are you all right?
- Maj. John Sheppard: Two arms, ten fingers... I'll check the rest later.