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Ratings
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Reviews
The Smiling Man (2015)
Great fresh take on clown horror
This is the year of the clown when it comes to horror, it seems. With so many movies and shorts dealing with killer clowns, this one stands out to me. When we first see the smiling man, he doesn't look too menacing. As the short goes on, we see him laughing and painting his face with blood to mimic the look of a clown as he develops a relationship with the young girl. Finally, we see where the blood is coming from...and we really get a full injection of insanity and evil. Because he doesn't have the standard look of the clown, it's even more unnerving. I absolutely adored this short, and the creativity behind something so simple.
Trash Fire (2016)
Tarantino-esque dialogue driven Horror
There's a quote that this movie reminds me of - "Horror is not a genre, but an emotion."
Is this a typical horror movie? No. Is this an atypical horror movie? Absolutely.
From the beginning, the dialogue and characters pull us into their unhealthy relationship...all stemming from the protagonist feeling guilty for burning his parents to death, and leaving his sister disfigured. Not only is he unable to form healthy, loving relationships as an adult, he also has seizures periodically (one of which is in a classic bedroom scene).
When his girlfriend tells him she's pregnant, the idea does not go over well, but he does have a revelation that he wants to really try to love. She demands they visit his grandmother and sister so he can make reprimands and learn to become a healthy family.
From the second they arrive, the relationship with the religious zealot Grandmother is tense...and it only gets worse from there. The emotions boil over, and once we see the true misguided darkness in the Grandmother. Everything is balanced with humor. The climax builds slowly, and the final scene explodes. This is definitely not a horror movie for those wanting mindless slashing and brutality.
I would have given this horror movie a 9 or 10 if the ending had a little more power, like the director's previous work, "Excision." But I felt the final scene lacked a little shock value. Other than that, the movie is fantastic...horror, but not typical. If you liked "Excision," you won't be disappointed.
Beginner's Guide to Sex (2015)
Hysterical hidden gem
I turned this movie on with a short leash, and from the first 5 minutes I was hooked. Just when you think the scenes couldn't be any more appalling and hilarious, it manages to top itself.
The main character is just like The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt...super naive and corny in a world of vulgar teenage sex. The movie is non-stop laughs and dark humor - those who get offended should stay far away from this movie. It truly is tasteless, but in a really clever and funny way.
This is the path that "The To Do List" should have been. It has an indie feel. I wouldn't think the writing on a movie like this could be considered "fresh" or "original", but I have to say it is. They took the line of what's "too far" and moved it waaaaay back. Check this out if you are fans of movies like American Pie or Porky's.
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Yes, it's as bad as people are saying...
This movie was SO bad for the following reasons: 1) It spends the whole time showcasing different mutants, powers, and F/X which leaves no room for plot. Everything is rushed and sloppy.
2) Clearly the F/X team took a page out of Lucas' Star Wars new episodes by throwing so much eye candy at the audience in hopes to "wow" them instead of drawing them into the movie.
2) How can you just KILL off or take away the powers of so many characters? Imagine watching a Superman movie where it ends with him losing all his powers. It's an utter joke. I can see one or two main characters losing abilities...but THAT many of them?? Mystique, gone. Magneto, gone. Xavier, gone. Cyclops, gone. Jean Grey, gone. lol...it's just brutal! This movie is an abortion to the franchise and a franchise killer. This series could have been great, but thanks to this movie, and the writers, they have completely destroyed it. Nice work. Guess I'll have to wait for Superman to see a good blockbuster for the summer.
Bian Lian (1995)
What a wonderful surprise!! :-) *possible spoilers*
I was going to bed with my gf last night, and while she was brushing her teeth, I flipped channels until I came across this Chinese movie called the King of Masks. At first I thought it was going to be a Kung Fu movie, so I started watching it, and then it immediately captured me in, and I had to finish it.
The little girl in the movie was absolutely adorble. She was such a great actor for being so little. Maybe the fact it was in Chinese, so the English was dubbed made it harder for me to tell...but she really seemed to be in character perfectly. I felt so bad for the girl as she kept trying to please her "boss" but everything just turned out rotten. lol. Even when she brings him another grandson, just so he can pass on his art...it turns out that kid was kidnapped, so he gets arrested and has 5 days to live. lol...whatever she touches in an effort to be nice to her grandpa, just backfires.
In the end, he sees how much love is in her and teaches her the art of masks...which is just so heartwarming after all the mishaps in the movie.
Definitely a gem, and totally original.
Scott
Catwoman (2004)
More like Crapwoman
Wow...
Where to even start? I mean...I heard this movie was bad, but I heard the same thing about "Daredevil," and ended up thinking that movie wasn't so bad. I heard the same thing about "Surviving Christmas" and that it was actually pretty cute. Same with "The Punisher," but I think that movie was awesome. So...as a comic book movie lover...I took a chance and rented this last night.
Whoa! Holy Awful!! lol...
Horrible special effects in most places! Horrible plot filled with every cliché in the book...not to mention stupid one liners galore. I'll admit, there were a FEW creative shots, or ideas in this movie, but those are totally ruined by how bad it is! I wanted to shut it off, but sheer morbid curiosity kept me watching - just to see how bad it could get. I actually felt bad for Halley Barry...watching her act like a cat...smear catnip all over her face or eat with no table manners. Hahah...way to make the heroine into the biggest joke of all time! This movie is Mystery Science Theater 3000 bad. Watch at your own risk only when you've earned a free movie rental.
The Punisher (2004)
not a Punisher fanatic, but AWESOME movie.
Just thought I would post my thoughts on the other violent movie opening up this weekend. God this movie was awesome. I'm not really into comics, just the movies, but this movie had a lot more going for it than what I expected. They really did a good job showing how dark Frank Castle's life had become after his family was murdered.
I would have LIKED a LITTLE more violence, but it was still pretty violent. The R rating is well deserved. Knives through mouths...arrows through necks...close range shooting...nudity....profanity...haha...just like the 80's movies like Cobra and Terminator. The humor was subtle, but well timed...and a lot of it was the crowd laughing at how violent something was.
The only thing I didn't really care for was the score, but that was no biggie. It was good to see a super hero movie where the hero was human - no powers, and quite capable of getting hurt.
The lead did an awesome job as The Punisher, which I didn't expect. I thought from the previews he was a pretty boy, but the dude buffed up nice for the role. His acting kinda sucked, lol....but it fit, and I just over looked it. Maybe it was the script. He did a good job though.
On my personal scale, I would give it a 4.5 out of 5 stars. It was right behind Xmen and Spiderman, maybe better depending on how dark you like your movies. The Punisher definitely isn't for everyone. The previews with the cheesy numetal music definitely did disservice to the flick...they made it seem light in a way. I'm probably biased because I do like the dark side of things, and comic book movies, so maybe drop the scale to 3 3 stars for an average person.
Check it out if you think it looks remotely cool from the previews.
Scott
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
God Awful
I can't for the life of me see why this is getting so many good reviews. I went into this movie with an open mind and pretty excited, and after the initial set up, this movie just went downhill.
The characters get no depth, and when combined with their stupidity in doing things, you just stop caring about what happens to them. I liken this to Resident Evil...just a bunch of zombie death scenes to satisfy the MTV generation, but nowhere near the plot or realism of "28 Days Later".
Is this movie worth 6 bucks? Maybe for some...but it's definitely not a classic. If you're going to do a movie about a group of people isolated in a mall for a while...you have to focus on the dynamics and interaction of the characters. This movie skipped character development all together. You flat out don't care about any of them.
2 stars from me. Watchable, but not memorable.
Secret Window (2004)
Haven't I seen this film once (or thirty) times before?
*SPOILERS*
I love Johnny Depp, but even his interesting acting isn't enough to save this movie. How does a movie like this even get the green light? I'm not going to trash every part of this movie, because there were a few good things about it...but still...it all comes down to the plot.
Yah, if the whole multiple personalities equal multiple people in the movie had never been done before, this movie might have an interesting thing going for it. But I've seen the same basic plot in Raising Cain, Identity, The Dark Half, etc etc. Once you figure that Depp is having issues with his personality, the entire movie is a joke.
Not scary, not original, and just a waste of my $5. I know, I'm being harsh...but I was actually looking forward to seeing this. I love Depp, and I love most King movies...but this is just too much of a copycat for me. See at your own risk!