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3 Body Problem (2024)
Don't get hooked in by the trailers....
I've never read the books, so rest assured I don't view 3BP as some sort of sacred cow, never to be touched unless to achieve pure perfection. However this series does struggle.
My biggest gripe, is the trailers present this show to us as a dazzling, big-budget, mind-bending sci-fi epic. However 95% of the scenes look and feel like they're straight out of a low-quality BBC drama. It's drudging at times, and you do start to feel like you're never going to get the pay-off you deserve at the end.
And after 8 episodes, that's pretty much what happens. I'm aware that the original story is complex and will take time to come fruition on screen, which is fine, but you need something along the way to keep you with it. It's sorely lacking in this regard.
A cruel yet reasonably accurate summary, would be a group of friends gassing about how clever they are for 8 episodes, interspersed with a few scenes of psychedelic space-guff that never seems to progress anywhere quickly.
I've been harsh here, but the premise is intriguing enough for me to watch a second season if it ever comes to pass. However, knowing how ruthless Netflix are in this regard, and how poorly the show has performed on the platform so far, I won't hold my breath for it.
Ronja Rövardotter (2024)
A nice production, charming and grotesque in equal measure
I'm not Swedish, I'd never heard of the stories and have never seen any of its previous adaptations. I simply gave Ronja a try on the strength of the trailer which the Netflix algorithm saw fit to show me.
Looking at some of the other reviews here, I'm glad of the above because coming into this completely fresh, I was able to appreciate the show without bias or preconception. The truth is, in contrast to Netflix's usual catalogue of bilge, this is a charming and entertaining show.
A beautiful coming of age story set amongst a gorgeous, but deadly (and often unsettlingly grotesque) sylvanian landscape, Ronja is well-acted and engaging enough for the viewer to feel suitably immersed. The jeopardy feels real enough, and as is often the case with folk-tales, there are numerous lessons to be learned along the way.
Adaptations of niche stories like this tend to attract criticism from people who view it as some sort of sacred cow, never to be touched unless you're able to achieve perfection. For the rest of us, this is well worth a watch.
The Order (2019)
A rather lovely throwback to a time when TV was made for your enjoyment
The Order is cheesy, the acting is at times sub-standard, and the visual effects are 20 years out of date. Yet somehow, this show achieves a certain charm that you'll rarely find in Netflix's modern catalogue of preachy, slogging, political dirge.
Yes, the trope of magicians vs werewolves seems like something straight out of the late 90's / early 00's. But you'll soon find your eye-rolls turning into wry smiles once you realize you're in on the joke, and that the show is intentionally tongue-in-cheek.
The series are episodic, with each story generally grouped into 2-episode parts, with a wider arc spanning each season which allows us to find out more about The Order and the Knights of St Christopher. The world building is solid with plenty of charming detail, which explains its cult following. It also helps that Sarah Grey (playing Alyssa Drake) is singularly beautiful, even if perhaps she'll never go down in history for her acting skills.
The Order is so reminiscent of Buffy The Vampire Slayer it almost hurts, even featuring a nice cameo appearance from James Marsters (Spike). I'd suggest that for those of a certain age who re-watch BtVS every once in a while, The Order will help you scratch that itch. Had the show not been bewilderingly cancelled by Netflix, maybe The Order could have gone on to achieve a similar status over the years. It's a real shame we'll never find out.
Bridge of Lies (2022)
Ross Kemp on toast
This is a serviceable quiz show with all of your usual tropes. A series of multiple choice questions for a team of brain-dead contestants (in this case strung against the tenuous concept of a 'bridge') and a well known host. It kills half an hour well enough to distract me from screaming into the endless void.
Ross Kemp however, a man associated with hard-hitting investigative journalism, has surely reached the bottom of his own personal TV barrel. How they ended up getting this guy to present is beyond me; perhaps he's in financial trouble or something and needs the easy cash. In any case, it must represent the biggest fall from grace since Marie Antoinette.
House of the Dragon (2022)
Pleasantly surprised
We're certainly in Westeros here. The feel of the sets, costumes and CGI hits those authentic notes and transports us right back to our favourite fictional continent.
This is very entertaining and interesting stuff. The feminist aspect of the story is kept to an acceptable level of screechiness, whilst the acting and dialogue are largely top notch; stuffed with the pith and intrigue we're used to from this franchise.
My only issue so far, is that HoTD lacks the scope of its predecessor. We spend all of our time time in Westeros (mainly in King's Landing) and for the moment, we're without the thrill of being transported to the far-flung cities of Essos. It does make the show feel a little 'smaller', but hopefully this will change in time.
The Hunt (2020)
Succeeds where "Don't Look Up" abjectly fails
It's as if someone suddenly remembered that movies are supposed to be entertaining. This survival horror-spoof is a light-hearted romp.
A not-so-barbed satire that avoids the awfully condescending tone of failures like "Don't Look Up". The viewer is invited not to try and take serious moral lessons from the film, and is in fact mocked for trying to do so.
This is just plain fun, nobody comes away unscathed which is just as it should be. A breath if fresh air.
The Irishman (2019)
A lengthy and unpleasant walk along a wet and windy beach, to a café that ends up being closed.
This movie goes nowhere, and it doesn't even get there very fast.
I started worrying after an hour that this movie wasn't coming together to any kind of dramatic conclusion, and unfortunately I was right. DeNiro and Pacino's performances just about kept me from switching off.
I've been looking forward to seeing this movie since it was released, what a disappointment.
American History X (1998)
An entertaining spectacle, but ultimately fails in its messaging
Well acted, perfectly cast. Whilst very engaging as a pure spectacle, the morality tale which is the central trope of this very good movie misses its mark.
Large parts of the first act follow Derek's slide into extremism. He very articulately explains his worldview, and we get to see the life experiences which shape them, as well as some hard hitting political rhetoric. The main problem is - nobody offers a rebuttal.
Nobody, at any point, is able to tell Derek exactly why is wrong, while everything he sees around him seems to solidify his hatred and anger. Indeed, his rehabilitation seems only to stem from a prison assault by those fellow gang members who, arguably, don't share his beliefs after all.
The only cogent counsel offered by his former school principal, "has anything you've done made your life better?" is arguably fair, but as a fulcrum around which Derek changes his entire outlook on life, it seems a bit weak.
Star Trek: Picard: Penance (2022)
Better than Season 1 for now....
Season 1 was a pretty low bar to exceed, so I was delighted with the early knockings of Season 2, when Patrick Stewart seemed (at least in part) to resume playing Jean-Luc Picard rather than himself. Along with some tastefully retro cameos and what seemed to be a proper Star Trek storyline, I was looking forward to this.
Alas, with episode 2 it appears we're back to our regular dose of post-modern paper-thin political commentary that seems to infect every facet of our media. We get it, men are incompetent and we need women to save us. Borders are bad. Patriotism is basically violence blah blah blah and it's the same thing every day.
I've no objection to tales of morality in Star Trek. After all the franchise is famous for it. But let's have it subtle, and intelligent, like it used to be.
Don't Look Up (2021)
A story we've heard a million times before.
This movie comes across as though it's written for the benefit of Hollywood, rather than the audience. It's a self-congratulatory snooze, a bit like a celebrity awards ceremony, and just as pointless.
For well over 2 hours, the viewer is bludgeoned with the same politically motivated condescension we're forced to endure from every media outlet, all day, every day. There's absolutely nothing new here, and to top it off it's just not funny.
If it weren't for the quality of the casting, this might be up there with the worst movies ever made, it really is that bad.
Ronaldo vs. Messi (2017)
Amateurish production
This documentary is abysmal.
Poor editing. Snippets of interviews are repeated over and over again, and not always in context. A shot of Barcelona is used when the narrator is introducing a scene in what is supposed to be Lisbon. There is no football in this documentary. I could go on...
Just please please swerve this one. There are much better documentaries covering this topic available on YouTube, made by amateur content creators.
The North Water (2021)
A hidden gem
A very tense, brooding and atmospheric grind through the dark basement of regret and suffering.
Well acted, pretty well paced and the story holds up well over 5 episodes. A better version of AMC's 'The Terror' - and heaps more credible.
Only loses a star because the ending felt quite abrupt. I could have happily watched another 2 or 3 episodes.
Crack: Cocaine, Corruption & Conspiracy (2021)
Had to switch it off
I couldn't make it to the end. Like everything Netflix pump out these days, this documentary is so tainted by a pathological hatred of white people that it ceases to serve its purpose. It's just a propaganda piece, nothing more. Avoid.
Hausen (2020)
Watchable, but ultimately falls short.
This is gloomy stuff, the atmosphere is so relentless in its grimy aesthetic that you'll feel like you need a really good wash after each episode. The titular housing block itself, along with the evil gooey-goop monster that resides there are presented as a good metaphor for grief, poverty and addiction, all of which are well explored. Light entertainment, this is not.
The trouble is, it's not really entertainment of any sort. The dialogue is sparse, which adds to the general ambience I suppose, but there's not enough here to otherwise keep the viewer engaged.
Hausen is fine as a collection of what are essentially moody horror-lite sketches, but to be honest, there's only about 2 hours-worth of actual stuff here. Stretched out over 8 long episodes, it does become tiresome.
Be warned, there is no pay-off here and you won't be rewarded for your patience come the finale. In fact, the ending isn't really an ending. It's plain wackery, weirdness for its own sake in a similar vein to Space Odyssey. It doesn't invite you to speculate on what it all means, as much as it just gives up on trying to make any sense whatsoever.
It's a shame really. The atmosphere created is unique, the script is decent and well acted, it just never realises its potential. Not something I'd recommend unless you're super stuck for something to watch in the horror genre.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)
Take me back to Sunnydale
There are plenty of reviews here by people far more articulate than myself, extolling the virtues of this show's character development, cultural references and use of metaphor etc. I won't go over it all again as the show is so stuffed with talking points it would be impossible to cover them all.
However, having been a teenager in the late 90's and early 00's, I watched Buffy at the time of its original release and loved it. It's only now in my mid-30's, having re-watched all seven seasons for the first time, that I can truly begin to appreciate the greatness of this show.
Aside from the pithy dialogue, the (at times) heart-wrenching storytelling and the restrained yet effective use of comic relief, Buffy the Vampire Slayer manages to age effortlessly and independently of the modern zeitgeist, whilst simultaneously capturing a moment in time so perfectly that it makes you ache. Whedon adds so much character and disposition to Sunnydale and its lovable gang, that upon seeing the closing credits for the final time you will find yourself homesick for a place you've never been.
Whoever you are, wherever you're from and no matter your age, this show will speak to you in some way. It's magic, pure magic. You should watch it.
30 Days of Night (2007)
Formulaic, horror-by-numbers.
A two hour movie, set over the course of 30 days, but feels like it takes years of your life to watch.
A rushed horror-by-numbers I'm afraid. The type whereby the characters are so shallow and frankly annoying that after half an hour or so you find yourself actually rooting for the crazed bloodthirsty villains.
This movie may have been better if the cringeworthy clichès and lack of atmosphere had been embraced with a more tongue-in-cheek vibe. As it is, it's just another entry in the already stuffed catalogue of unoriginal and empty modern horror movie failures.
The Terror (2018)
Season 1 is essential viewing
Made all the more haunting by the fact it's based on a true story, The Terror really sucks you in to the atmosphere of the world it creates. It's the kind of psychological thriller that stays with you for many hours after you've finished watching.
The acting really does the story justice, which is crucial given the bleak featurelessness of the crew's surroundings, it's essential that you're drawn into their increasingly frenzied minds; I must say the effect is achieved with aplomb. Punctuated with moments of horror and gore (but never gratuitously), this is a genuinely disturbing journey into hopelessness and desperation that I'd highly recommend.
As a strange footnote, there are many hundreds of shows & movies about the adventures of the Royal Navy, most of which are either set amongst the wooden brigs and sloops of Nelson's ships of the line, or the gun-metal grey battleships of the world wars in the 20th century. However The Terror is set in the odd in-between era of both steam and sail of the Pax Britannica. It's a military period so rarely explored on film, so very refreshing and original to see it represented here. It really sets this show apart.
Monsters (2010)
Does this review contain spoilers? Impossible, there's literally nothing to spoil.
This movie is marketed as something it isn't. Upon watching, it becomes abundantly clear why.
There are some rather sniffy reviews here, arguing that those who don't like this film simply "don't get it". Please be assured, we get it, and it's garbage.
It's just difficult to get around the fact that the characters are totally unrelatable, the plot (what little plot exists) is laborious and unengaging, and the metaphor put forward is boring, contrived and has been executed much more efficiently by better movies.
Visually, this film is OK, which earns it a single star, but I'm really scraping the barrel for positives here. A true waste of everyone's time.
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Ignore the bad reviews, and the good ones!
I seem to be one of the few who neither love nor despise this movie. The truth is, it's a serviceable horror-spoof and little more.
Joss Whedon's involvement will be a temptation for many, and his influence is noticeable, however I fear his sometimes cultish fan base are the ones pushing the average review score to heights it really doesn't deserve.
The movie has reasonable star power, good special effects and the acting is what you'd expect from a film of this genre. However it is slow to start, the script lacks the pith or zip required to hold the viewers' interest, and the big finale is telegraphed from the very beginning.