The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Change Constant (2019)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Amy Farrah Fowler : [after she hung up the phone, stunned] We won.
Penny Hofstadter : Congratulations!
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, my god!
Sheldon Cooper : We did it.
Amy Farrah Fowler : I know. Can you believe it?
Sheldon Cooper : That's a good point. What if I'm dreaming?
[everyone gasps as Leonard slaps him, hard]
Sheldon Cooper : [Realizing, screaming] WE WON THE NOBEL PRIZE!
[They all start cheering, screaming, and hugging one another]
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Sheldon Cooper : The Nobel committee will be making the calls to inform the winners at any minute, so the only drug I need is the endorphins pumping through my brain in anticipation of our victory.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, technically, anticipation wouldn't be mediated by endorphins as much as dopamine, but, you know, you've been up all night, so I'll give you that one.
[seeing he's asleep]
Amy Farrah Fowler : Really? The second he stops talking?
Penny Hofstadter : Well... should we wake him up?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, he did say if he fell asleep, we were allowed to slap him awake.
Penny Hofstadter : [excited] Oh, boy.
Leonard Hofstadter : Wait a minute. Why do you get to do it?
Penny Hofstadter : 'Cause I called it.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, you can't just call it. You have to earn it.
Penny Hofstadter : Oh, and you've earned it?
Leonard Hofstadter : No one has earned it more than me.
Amy Farrah Fowler : [clearing her throat] Ahem.
Leonard Hofstadter : You have your whole life to smack him around. This is my time.
Penny Hofstadter : Fine. Don't miss.
Leonard Hofstadter : It's not a volleyball. I can handle it.
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Sheldon Cooper : You know, when you think about it, now that we're Nobel Prize winners, our names will be linked together forever.
Amy Farrah Fowler : We're married. Our names are already linked together forever.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, please. That's just a piece of paper. This is a piece of paper and a medal.
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Leonard Hofstadter : [after Raj shows Amy's new look, and he detested it and stormed out, Leonard follows him] Sheldon, that was really rude.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, I'm sorry. Amy is the one constant I can count on, and now she's changing.
Leonard Hofstadter : It's just a haircut and some clothes.
Sheldon Cooper : No, it's the last straw! I can't take anymore!
Penny Hofstadter : [the elevator bell dings and the doors open] Can you believe it? They finally fixed the elevator.
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Sheldon Cooper : And how does it feel to be married to a Nobel Prize winner?
Amy Farrah Fowler : You tell me.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh. Amy-centric; what a fun way to look at it.
Amy Farrah Fowler : I think so.
Sheldon Cooper : You would. That makes sense.
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Sheldon Cooper : Aw. It's a congratulations text from my meemaw.
[his phone buzzes]
Sheldon Cooper : Ooh. Oh, and there's one from my mom.
[another buzz]
Sheldon Cooper : And my sister.
[another buzz]
Sheldon Cooper : And my brother.
[another buzz]
Sheldon Cooper : And my brother's ex-wife.
[another buzz]
Sheldon Cooper : My brother's other ex-wife. Boy, they don't tell you when you win a Nobel, it chews up your phone battery.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : [her phone buzzes] Oh, that's me. It's CVS. My prescription's ready.
[another buzz]
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, and also my dad. He says congratulations and he loves me.
Sheldon Cooper : Nothing about me?
[his phone buzzes]
Sheldon Cooper : Oh. Oh, it's your dad. I'm good.
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Raj Koothrappali : Hey, is Penny here?
Leonard Hofstadter : No. Why?
Raj Koothrappali : I wanted to show her my latest creation. I give you... Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler!
Leonard Hofstadter : [Amy enters, looking drop-dead gorgeous] Wow. Amy, you look amazing.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Thank you. Sheldon, what do you think?
Sheldon Cooper : [giving her a once-over] I like you better the way you were.
Raj Koothrappali : But she looks beautiful! Classic lines, colors that complement her skin tone, and hair that goes from "office" to "on the town" in minutes.
Sheldon Cooper : I don't care. Put it back.
Amy Farrah Fowler : I like the way I look.
Sheldon Cooper : [storming out] Well, I don't!
Leonard Hofstadter : [following him] My fault. I was out of Earl Grey.
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Sheldon Cooper : [after he gets to the bottom floor, he's surprised to see Penny there after he just left her and Leonard] How did you get down here?
Penny Hofstadter : The elevator. It's really fast.
Sheldon Cooper : I-I need to be alone right now. Don't try to follow me.
Penny Hofstadter : [Follows him] All right. You need a ride?
Sheldon Cooper : That'd be great. Thank you.
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Penny Hofstadter : You know, you go on and on about wanting things to stay the same, but you've changed a lot since I met you.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, you are a mean drunk.
Penny Hofstadter : I'm serious. You have a ton of friends, you got married, moved into a new apartment. You wore a baseball hat that one time. Heck, you've had sex almost as many times as I have fingers.
Sheldon Cooper : More.
Penny Hofstadter : W...
Sheldon Cooper : [holding up two fingers] By this many.
Penny Hofstadter : You dog!
Sheldon Cooper : It was the "Avengers" trailer.
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Sheldon Cooper : [singing to the melody of "99 Bottles of Beer"] Six times ten to the eighth atoms of radium in a lead jar/Six times ten to the eighth atoms of radium/If the half-life of radium should happen to pass/Three times ten to the eighth atoms of radium in a lead jar.
Penny Hofstadter : Really hope you're almost to zero.
Sheldon Cooper : No, see, that's the beauty of half-lives; it's impossible to determine when you'll arrive at zero. It's like "Wheels on the Bus" if the bus had an unknowable number of parts.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Yeah, we're gonna need more coffee.
Penny Hofstadter : Yep. I'm with you. Leonard, coffee?
Leonard Hofstadter : Black and strong, like Luke Cage.
Penny Hofstadter : I'm too tired to even be disturbed by that.
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Barry Kripke : Hello, this is Sweden calling. Is this Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Yeah.
Barry Kripke : Congratulations. It is my pleasure to inform you that you've won the Nobel Prize. In being suckers!
Sheldon Cooper : [realizing who it is and hanging up] His Swedish accent was very convincing.
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Penny Hofstadter : You know, you're the only person who could win the biggest prize in science and still be upset about it.
Sheldon Cooper : It's just... all the times I thought about winning, I never thought about how it would ch...
[she starts to raise her drink]
Sheldon Cooper : Affect my life. I'm sorry, I'm genuinely concerned about your liver.
Penny Hofstadter : Okay. Fine, I'll stop playing.
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Penny Hofstadter : You know, I've grown, too. I used to be the bartender back there.
Sheldon Cooper : That's true. And now there is a completely different woman who botched my drink order. How hard is 65% Coke, 35% Diet Coke?
Penny Hofstadter : Well, judging by the look on her face, it's at least 1% saliva.
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Sheldon Cooper : I do take your point. You know, you're also married, you have a successful career, you no longer dress like you're trying to attract sailors by the wharf.
Penny Hofstadter : So, I guess the only thing that actually stays the same is that things are always changing.
Sheldon Cooper : Interesting. So you're saying the inevitability of change might be a universal constant.
Penny Hofstadter : Well, there's a little more to it than that, but, yeah, sure.
Sheldon Cooper : [seeing Howard and Bernie on CNN] Oh. Hey, look, that's Bernadette.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I can't tell you how many times Dr. Fowler was gonna give up and I would say to her "Amy, as your best friend, I'm not gonna let you quit."
Penny Hofstadter : Okay, I'm drinking again.
Sheldon Cooper : I'll join you. Waitress, uh, 95% Hawaiian Punch, 5% vodka.
Howard Wolowitz : Let me tell you about the time Mr. Nobel Laureate wanted olives...
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [laughing] This is a good one.
Sheldon Cooper : [calling to the waitress] You know what? 90/10!
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Sheldon Cooper : What do you want, Howard?
Howard Wolowitz : We were just calling to see if you'd heard yet.
Sheldon Cooper : We haven't.
Amy Farrah Fowler : But thank you for getting up so early to call. That was very thoughtful.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Oh, please. We have two little kids. We've been up for an hour.
Howard Wolowitz : Did anyone get to slap Sheldon?
Leonard Hofstadter : [disappointed] No.
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Sheldon Cooper : [Between the attention he's getting as a Nobel Prize winner, Amy's new look, and the elevator finally being fixed] This is a nightmare.
[Storms off down the stairs]
Penny Hofstadter : What's with him?
Leonard Hofstadter : He won a Nobel Prize, and his wife looks amazing.
Penny Hofstadter : Oh. Yeah, got it.
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Sheldon Cooper : All this change is just too much. You know, the reporters, the attention at work, and now even Amy's changed. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.
Penny Hofstadter : I'm playing a drinking game. Every time you say the word "change", I take a slug.
Sheldon Cooper : Are you gonna be able to drive me home?
Penny Hofstadter : Mm. Not unless you change the subject. Huh. Now I said it. Meh. Hmm.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : It's weird. I don't really feel different, but I guess our lives will never be the same.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I don't know. We're going to work like always. I still put on my pants both legs at a time.
Amy Farrah Fowler : One day, that's gonna end very badly.
[leaving the apartment building, they're besieged by reporters]
Reporter #3 : Congratulations. How does it feel?
Amy Farrah Fowler : O-Okay, w-we're happy to answer your questions, just, um, one at a time, please?
[uncomfortable and overwhelmed, Sheldon leaves]
Reporter #1 : Is Dr. Cooper coming back?
Amy Farrah Fowler : No. Next question.
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Sheldon Cooper : What kind of tea is appropriate for winning a Nobel Prize and now everything is changing and you feel unmoored from reality?
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't know. Earl Grey?
Sheldon Cooper : You know, this is something I've wanted my whole life. But I guess I never considered how everything would be different.
Leonard Hofstadter : Buddy, I-I know all feels overwhelming right now, but I promise you, things will settle down.
Sheldon Cooper : [rummaging through teabags] There's no Earl Grey! You filthy liar!
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Penny Hofstadter : [last lines of the episode]
[returning home, Sheldon starts up the stairs]
Penny Hofstadter : Hang on.
[pressing the elevator call button]
Penny Hofstadter : What do you think? Want to give it a try?
[as the door opens, he looks in uncertainly, then glances at the stairwell]
Sheldon Cooper : Well, you know, the elevator did work when I moved into the building. So going up and down the stairs was a change, which means this would actually be a return to the status quo. But conversely, I think...
Penny Hofstadter : [shoving him] Get in!
Sheldon Cooper : [the doors close] This is wild.