- Ron Swanson: I've had the same will since I was 8 years old.
- Ben Wyatt: [reading it] "Upon my death, all my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me." What are these weird symbols?
- Ron Swanson: The man who kills me will know.
- Ben Wyatt: [Walks in on Ron with a crossbow] Woah, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't have a weapon at work.
- Ron Swanson: Literally everything is a weapon, son. That folder, in my hands, is far deadlier than this bow in yours.
- Ben Wyatt: Oh, that's... probably true.