Parks and Recreation (TV Series)
Ann's Decision (2013)
Nick Offerman: Ron Swanson
Photos
Quotes
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Ben Wyatt : [Walks in looking ill, sees Chris lying on the ground] Chris, I'm dying.
Chris Traeger : I was dying earlier today, and then I died. Now I'm dead. I had to cancel a date with Shauna Malwae-Tweep, and I really like her. Do you think she'll still like me, now that I'm dead?
Ben Wyatt : What is this?
Ron Swanson : [Walks in looking just as sick] It's food poisoning. I have it too. I did not sleep for one second last night. And I cracked the bottom of the toilet bowl.
Ben Wyatt : Oh, God, don't say that.
Chris Traeger : Has anybody talked to Tom? I can't even imagine what that tiny little man must be feeling like.
Ron Swanson : I have voided more than Tom's body weight in the last twelve hours alone. He might have just disappeared off the Earth.
Chris Traeger : We need to call him, we must reach out to him.
[Gets up and walks, doubled over, toward his phone. He passes Ben, who is lying on the floor. Can't reach out to touch the phone]
Chris Traeger : I can't do it.
Ron Swanson : [Gets up and labors toward the phone. He smacks it with his hand, and the phone lands on the floor next to Ben] Ben, extension seventy-eight twenty.
Ben Wyatt : [Ben rolls over to the phone and dials the numbers with his nose]
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Tom Haverford : Woah, smells like some vomit took a dump in here. What happened?
Ron Swanson : We got food poisoning, Tom. How do you not have food poisoning?
Ben Wyatt : Because he didn't eat anything - he just took pictures and talked about the 'Wow' factor.
Tom Haverford : Not true, I ate everything you did..
Chris Traeger : Are you sure? Is there anything that you didn't eat?
Tom Haverford : Oh yeah, I didn't eat those stupid mini-calzones. Haver-Food rule number six: never eat anything with a sauce I have to dip myself. Drizzle it on for me, I'm not your maid!
Ben Wyatt : The calzones... betrayed me? Never again, guys. As God as my witness, they're dead to me.