- [at the show]
- Ron Swanson: Hey, Mark! This is Beth, my ex-wife Tammy's better-looking sister.
- Beth: [shakes Mark's hand] Nice to meet you.
- Mark Brendanawicz: Nice to meet you. You guys are... together?
- Ron Swanson: Yep. My ex-wife Tammy cheated on me, then we divorced, then last week I ran into her sister Beth here; turns out she hates Tammy too, so we started dating. It's like a fairy tale!
- Beth: Yeah, Tammy stinks.
- Andy Dwyer: The band has had a few different names over the years. When we started, we were Teddy Bear Suicide, but then we changed it to Mouse Rat. Then we were God Hates Figs, Department of Homeland Obscurity, Flames for Flames, Muscle Confusion, Nothing Rhymes With Orange, then Everything Rhymes With Orange, Punch Face Champions, Rad Wagon, Puppy Pendulum, Possum Pendulum, Penis Pendulum, Handrail Suicide, Angel Snack, Just the Tip, Threeskin...
- [long pause]
- Andy Dwyer: Oh, Jet Black Pope. We went back to Mouse Rat, and now we are Scarecrow Boat. God, when I hear myself say Scarecrow Boat out loud I kinda hate it.
- Tom Haverford: [Tom is playing with a stethoscope, using it on Leslie] Oh my god. Your boobs are dead!
- Leslie Knope: Stop it! No they're not.