Dark Shadows (2012)
Chloë Grace Moretz: Carolyn Stoddard
Photos
Quotes
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Carolyn Stoddard : [sees Barnabas for the first time] Are you stoned or something?
Barnabas Collins : They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.
[to Willie]
Barnabas Collins : When did they start allowing women of the night on the estate grounds?
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Carolyn Stoddard : I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you.
Barnabas Collins : Do not fear, my child. I simply seek advice on the art of courting a woman of this time... Land. And who better to tutor me than a woman of your age? What is your age, if I may?
Carolyn Stoddard : Fifteen.
Barnabas Collins : Fifteen and no husband. You must put those birthing hips to good use at once lest your womb shrivel up and die.
Carolyn Stoddard : You're weird.
Barnabas Collins : But do you think me too weird for a woman of this... land?
Carolyn Stoddard : You obviously mean Vicky.
Barnabas Collins : She has the most fertile birthing hips I have ever laid eyes upon.
Carolyn Stoddard : You're way too weird.
Barnabas Collins : Do you really think so?
Carolyn Stoddard : You're all stiff, proper and old-fashioned.
Barnabas Collins : And Victoria... Is she not proper?
Carolyn Stoddard : She likes to pretend she's rock 'n' roll. She's a Carpenters kind of chick for sure.
Barnabas Collins : Do you mean to say that she has a penchant for woodworkers?
Carolyn Stoddard : The Carpenters are musicians, stupid.
Barnabas Collins : Ah, music. Yes, I'm rather fond of the music of the day. "I am a picker, I am a grinner / I am a lover and I am a sinner / I play my music in the sun" If only Shakespeare had been as eloquent.
Carolyn Stoddard : Okay. If you wanna get with her, you're gonna have to change your approach. Drop the whole weird Swinging London thing and hang out with a few normal people.
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Carolyn Stoddard : [about the planned ball] I have to hand it to you. This is a happening. I guess the only thing missing is Alice Cooper.
Barnabas Collins : Perhaps you should go and acquaint yourself with the evening's entertainment.
[At the ball, he sees who Alice Cooper really is]
Barnabas Collins : ...ugliest woman I've ever seen.
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Elizabeth Collins Stoddard : Children, get away from that man!
David Collins : He said his name was Barnabas Collins.
Carolyn Stoddard : And I'm pretty sure he called me a hooker.
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David Collins : Carolyn touches herself. She makes noises like a kitten.
Carolyn Stoddard : [to David] You little shit!
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Carolyn Stoddard : Leave us alone!
Elizabeth Collins Stoddard : Carolyn? Carolyn, my God!
Carolyn Stoddard : I'm a werewolf, okay? Let's not make a big deal out of it.
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Carolyn Stoddard : [about Barnabas] He's not staying with us forever, is he?
David Collins : I like him.
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Barnabas Collins : I seek advice on the art of courting a woman of this time.
Carolyn Stoddard : You obviously mean Vicky.
Barnabas Collins : She has the most fertile birthing hips I've ever set eyes upon.
Carolyn Stoddard : You're weird.
Barnabas Collins : [mistakenly flattered] You really think so?
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Carolyn Stoddard : You're all stiff and proper and old-fashioned.
Barnabas Collins : And Victoria? Is she not proper?
Carolyn Stoddard : She likes to pretend she's rock'n'roll, but she's a Carpenters kind of chick for sure.
Barnabas Collins : Do you mean to say that she has a penchant for woodworkers?
Carolyn Stoddard : The Carpenters are musicians, stupid.
Barnabas Collins : Ahhh, music... Yes, I'm rather fond of the music of the day. "I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover and I'm a sinner. I play my music in the sun."
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Carolyn Stoddard : Woof.
[attacks Angelique]