Little Fockers (2010)
Robert De Niro: Jack Byrnes
Photos
Quotes
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Jack Byrnes : Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?
Greg Focker : To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes. Jack, there's never been a problem with that.
Jack Byrnes : [sternly] Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?
Greg Focker : Yes. Even after that. It's still... It's all good. It's all good under the hood.
Jack Byrnes : That's disgusting.
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Greg Focker : You're not going to erase my son's memory.
Jack Byrnes : Greg, he saw his father inject a needle into his grandfather's penis. He already has issues. That's something he might never recover from.
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Greg Focker : I'm getting off the wheel.
Jack Byrnes : What wheel?
Greg Focker : [losing it] The wheel! The little hamster wheel that we're all running up to get a little taste of your little water thingy!
[imitates a hamster]
Greg Focker : Just, please, approval! Approval! Please! Give me some of the Jack... yeah...
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Jack Byrnes : What about Mommy and Daddy, is everything okay with them?
Samantha Focker : I guess they fight sometimes.
Jack Byrnes : Mmm-hmm. And what do they fight about?
Samantha Focker : Um, like Mommy got mad at Daddy because he was going to the hotel with Andi.
Jack Byrnes : Andi?
[Sam laughs and nods]
Jack Byrnes : Who's Andi?
Samantha Focker : I can't say because I'm not supposed to be spying.
Jack Byrnes : Like I always tell you, there's nothing wrong with spying as long as you suspect foul play. So, who's Andi?
Samantha Focker : Andi gives Daddy his boners.
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Jack Byrnes : Focker, there is no way I'm going into an ER room with this thing. Now you need to stick me and you need to stick me now! I'm having a dick attack! Stick me!
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Jack Byrnes : If I go down, Greg, I need to know someone will be responsible for the whole Byrnes clan. So I ask you, Greg, are you prepared to be... the Godfocker?
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Jack Byrnes : [Defensively to Prudence] I'm not gay myself, but if I were gay, I would certainly be proud to choose a life partner like Gay Focker. And that's his actual name.
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Jack Byrnes : [to his former son-in-law as he approaches him in a bar] Dr. Bob... Scumbag!
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Jack Byrnes : I'm watching you.
Greg Focker : Yeah, well I have eyes too, so I'll be watching you... watching me.
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Jack Byrnes : [as Jack is being loaded into an ambulance, to Greg] Focker!
EMT : Why is he cursing at us?
EMT : We're just trying to help you sir...
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Jack Byrnes : Sam might be three-quarters Byrnes, whereas Henry could very well have a double dose of Focker in him.
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[Jack has a boner]
Greg Focker : Jack, is everything Ok down there?
Jack Byrnes : Everything's fine.
Greg Focker : Ok. All right. 'Cause you seem to have a little, I mean...
Jack Byrnes : I-I know what I have, Greg, and I'm not concerned about that right now. Right now, what I want from you is the truth.
Greg Focker : Jack... did you take one of those pills?
Jack Byrnes : Well, I was highly preoccupied and Dina wanted to make love, and the label clearly states that it's safe for heart patients.
Greg Focker : Yes, but you need a prescription after you've had a thorough examination.
[turns on a lamp]
Greg Focker : How long have you had that... situation for?
Jack Byrnes : Stop avoiding the question.
Greg Focker : I'm not avoiding the question. If you've had that for more than four hours, you could bust a capillary and have serious permanent damage. How long have you had it?
Jack Byrnes : Uh, been a little longer than four hours.
Greg Focker : How long?
Jack Byrnes : Um, maybe about five and a half.
Greg Focker : Jack, you gotta get to an ER right now and get a shot of adreneline to counteract that drug.
Jack Byrnes : Well, you're a nurse. Don't you have that kind of stuff in the house?
Greg Focker : Yeah, I have an epi-kit, but I'm not gonna give you a shot there, OK?
Jack Byrnes : Focker, there's no way I'm going to an ER room with this thing. Now, you need to stick me, and you need to stick me now! I'm having a dick attack! Stick me!
Greg Focker : Shh! Just... relax, Ok? I'll get the needle.
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Jack Byrnes : We've had this date since the beginning, Greg.
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Jack Byrnes : I know you were telling the truth about Andi, Greg.
Greg Focker : Really?
Jack Byrnes : Yeah. The pulse on your carotid artery remained steady as you pleaded your innocence.
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Jack Byrnes : Sir, Where Is Andi?
Butler : I Cannot Believe Is In The Bathroom, Take It Down From This Message
Jack Byrnes : That's Good Though
Butler : Right!
Jack Byrnes : Fine!
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Jack Byrnes : [watching a video of Greg making fun of him and a link pops up that says "click here to see my awesome remix] Remix? What's a remix?
Greg Focker : You the guy is definitely obsessed
[Jack clicks on the link opening up the remix video]
Greg Focker : Byrnes Jack Byrnes father in law my father in law Br-Byrnes Jack Byrnes candidate for the drug obsessed with sex. Byrnes Jack-Jack-Jack Byrnes not not not getting enough no Jack Br Jack-Jack-Jack Byrnes talk about sexual frustration. Jack Byrnes obsessed with boobs he can breast feed his grandson Jack Byrnes mamama mammary gland couple of tugs on the thing themselves
[Greg makes an impression of him doing it]
Greg Focker : Hey Focker
Jack Byrnes : I don't do that.
Greg Focker : Hey Focker I got nipples okay hey Focker I got nipples wow can you milk can you milk can you milk me? The circle of trust goes round and round Jack circle of trust goes round and round Byrnes circle of trust goes round and round Jack
[a buzzer goes off]
Greg Focker : Whoa hello hot little number he's got called Jinxy
Jack Byrnes : [to Jinx] Now he's talking about you.
Greg Focker : Hot little number he's got called Jinxy woah hot little number he's got called Jinxy wow
[starts singing off key]
Greg Focker : Jinxy Cat Jinxy Cat I love you doo doo doo doo doo doo. The godfocker.
[Jinx hisses]
