- Boomhauer: Marlene, I dang ol' I can't stand bein' apart from you no not one moment longer, man. I'm talkin' about just like this ring, it ain't got no beginnin' and no no end, man.
- Marlene: Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you. I only understand about half of what you say. The other times, I just nod and smile and wait for your pants to come off.
- [giving a despondent Boomhauer a midnight pep talk]
- Bill Dauterive: I know how tough it is for you right now, curled up lying in your own emotional vomit. You're in hell now, Boomhauer, and the only way out is through a long dark tunnel. And you're afraid to go in because there's a train coming at you, carrying a boxcar full of heartbreak. Well, let me tell you something: All you can do is let it hit you, and then try to find your legs. I know. I've taken that hit more times than I can remember. Look at me, Boomhauer. I'm fat, and I'm old, and every day I'm just going to wake up fatter and older. Yet somehow I manage to drag this fat old bald bastard out into the alley every day. I'm out there, digging holes, falling into them, climbing out, trying again. And tomorrow I'm going to hang outside at a ladies' prison, and the first thing those lady cons are going to see after twenty years is me. Will I get one? Experience says no. Will I be out there next month? If I'm alive, you'd better believe it. You've got to get up off that cannon bed, slip into a tight T-shirt, wash off some of that cologne, and get yourself out of that tunnel and into some strange woman's bed!
- Bill Dauterive: You know, Larry and Wayne may have been imaginary, but they were a lot more supportive than you.
- Dale Gribble: You didn't hear what they were saying behind yer back.
- Dale Gribble: We gotta do something. The alley was balanced before. A cool single guy, and a cool married guy. A loser single guy, and a loser married guy. Now it's me and three losers!
- [last lines]
- [Bill is giving a just-released female ex-convict a ride home]
- Bill Dauterive: So what were you in for?
- Alicia: [masculine voice] Killed my boyfriend.
- Bill Dauterive: Does that mean you're single?
- Bill Dauterive: Aw, Boo-hoo-hoo-hauer. I bet now you wish you'd only slept with 100 ladies instead of 101. Now you know how they all felt -- except that one that did it to you!
- Hank Hill: I guess Bobby wishes Boomhauer dumped the asparagus lady.
- [chuckles]
- Hank Hill: You see, there's not actually an asparagus lady, Peggy. It's funny.
- Peggy Hill: Oh! Okay, so you think Boomhauer's promiscuity is amusing.
- Hank Hill: Well, not really.
- Peggy Hill: Not really? So what, then? Do his stories entertain you? Does hearing about his bedroom antics excite you? IS THAT HOW YOU GET YOUR FREAK ON?
- Hank Hill: My... what? No! No! I -- I -- I love you.
- Peggy Hill: [beat] I'll leave you alone with your dirty thoughts.