Fanboys (2009)
Dan Fogler: Hutch
Photos
Quotes
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Windows : You guys both got to stop perpetuating this myth that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass. All right? He has a jet pack. So did the Rocketeer. Really cool. When it comes time for battle, the man's Michael Bay - all style, no substance.
Hutch : If you diss the Fett the again, I will corn-hole you with a lightsaber!
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Hutch : Nobody calls Han Solo a bitch!
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Hutch : What's the Klingon for "I'm going to die a virgin"?
Admiral Seasholtz : [Replies in fluent Klingon]
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[repeated line]
Hutch : You want to take your shirt off.
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Hutch : Rule number one: In my van, it's Rush. All Rush, all the time. No exceptions. Rule number two: Nobody touch the red button. And I mean never touch the red button. Most importantly, rule number three: There's no jerking it in my van!
Windows : [throwing up his hands] Fine...
Hutch : [amid laughter] Don't roll your eyes at ME, Admiral Jackbar!
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Admiral Seasholtz : Okay. Hilarious, everyone. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds here to mock Roddenberry. Congratulations, gentleman, but I would like to see your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone. And we'll see who's laughing then. Am I right?
Windows : Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.
Admiral Seasholtz : Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank.
Linus : Name me one Star Wars character who's gay.
Hutch : Beside's you.
Admiral Seasholtz : Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that?
Linus : Captain Picard.
Admiral Seasholtz : Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.
Windows : [in a swishy voice] Come on. "Make it so!"
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Windows : I met her in a Jedi chatroom. The woman is perfect. She's intelligent and acerbic, and a die-hard fan. She's even got connections inside the Lucas camp.
Linus : Who's also got a man package and a goatee.
Windows : You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo.
Hutch : Tell 'em how you described yourself.
Windows : I was perfectly honest with her.
Linus : You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate.
Windows : I *am* white chocolate.
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[waking the guys up to show them they're in Iowa]
Hutch : Wakey, wakey, hands off snakey.
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Admiral Seasholtz : Just take a look-see here.
Hutch : What's with the man-purse?
Admiral Seasholtz : Yep. As I thought, scanner reads "douche bag."
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Hutch : I'm telling you, man. I took that Vulcan down hard. I rolled him into the dirt like he was my frickin tauntaun.
Eric : Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't for me, you guys would all be dead.
Windows : What fight were you watching? I was channeling the emperor.
Linus : The emperor? I don't remember the emperor crapping his robe and screaming "time-out."
Eric : Oh, my God. That's right.
Windows : There is such a thing as time-out.
Hutch : [imitating The Emperor] I can feel your anger growing inside. Wait. Time-out.
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Zoe : Asshole. You have been trying that Jedi mind shit on me since the eighth grade. It doesn't work.
Hutch : Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows.
Zoe : He's been geeking out with Rogue Leader all morning. Nothing can tear him away.
[lifts her sweater, exposing her breasts to Windows who is on the Internet on his laptop, not looking up]
Zoe : Ah, I love the feeling of fresh air on my naked breasts.
Hutch : Oh, ho-ho!
Zoe : See that? Man's immune to sweater yams.
Hutch : What about me? I like sweater yams!
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[Hutch subdues a Trekkie in a fight]
Hutch : Nighty-night, Spock-sucker.
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[after seeing his van repaired]
Hutch : Ha ha! The Buce is back!
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Head Of Security : By the time y'all walk away from this your face are gonna be shrunken and shriveled...
[walks up to Hutch]
Head Of Security : ...just like your one nut.
Hutch : What? How can he possibly know that?
Head Of Security : Oh, we know about your uniball. We know everything, Mr. Harold Hutchinson, aka Hutch. Son of Gloria. Humongous Rush fan.
Hutch : Dude, you're freaking me out. How do you know this?
Head Of Security : Because you have a Rush shirt on, dipshit.
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Zoe : All right, everybody, shut up! Swear to God this little Ewok is going up in flames! I'll do it.
THX Security Guard #4 : Go ahead, burn it.
Zoe : I will.
THX Security Guard #4 : Yeah, burn it.
Hutch : Guys, nobody wants this.
Zoe : I will.
THX Security Guard #4 : [Mimicking Yoda's voice] Burn it, burn it.
Zoe : I'm gonna.
THX Security Guard #4 : Burn it.
Zoe : That's what I said.
THX Security Guard #4 : Burn it.
Zoe : I said it.
THX Security Guard #4 : Good, I was always more of a Star Trek fan anyway.
Zoe : Oh...
Hutch : These Trekkies are everywhere.
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[after seeing the two hot escorts]
Hutch : I'd like to knock the nickels out of that pussy!